Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Hail to thee my alma mater....

"The tassel was worth the hassle"

Amen.

Two and a half hours in my cap and gown, my forehead itching, and those were the parting words of the student speaker. True, but not really profound, ya know? Two of my invited guests weren't able to make it, but my four person crew sure did their best to make some noise when I walked across the stage! I finished back in March, but participating in graduation really did formalize the end of this particular chapter in my education. I was a little nervous about the event, I knew it would bring up some pretty strong emotions wishing my mom could be there (in the flesh) to see me graduate. It really was a special weekend and I got all sorts of love from my friends and family. Easy mornings at the driving range, family, friends, good food and some adult beverages. Perfect.

Oh, and the little blue box from my Auntie (and family) was a beautiful charm bracelet with a charm chosen to represent me and my mom. I think this is one charm bracelet that will never see another charm added.

Back to other matters

With the great weekend behind me, my head quickly fills with the other pressing issue I have to deal with; The Ex and his agenda. I know I'm getting stressed when I start "Future Tripping" at night rather than sleeping. Part of that was graduation and the sad feelings surrounding my mom not being here, the still somewhat strained relationship with my dad and not knowing how he would act, so of course my mind had to try and play out all the possible scenarios surrounding both of those and in my somewhat stressed state all the possibilities with the Ex slipped in there as well. What a waste of time Future Tripping is. I go thru the emotions of events that haven't even happened! It's exhausting. I have things to do to try and distract myself from this, but did I do them? No.

He wants to send me a ticket to come out to Georgia so we can see each other and try to hammer thru some things face to face. Of course, a girlfriend or two have piped in "Well if he wants to see you he should come to you." Well, yeah, that would be great but he is in the Army... doesn't really work that way for him. And then I think, "Oh..... NOW you want to talk to me face to face?" Would have been nice for him to figure this out a couple of months ago. I'm still really undecided about everything to do with this. Undecided about making the trip. Undecided about if I even want to give this a 2nd chance. Undecided regarding his sincerity. *bleh*

For now I'm in a holding pattern. I haven't said yes or no to the ticket. He's on call the one weekend that I would be available. He said he's trying to switch with someone so he can be off that weekend just in case I decide to do it. We shall see. But until I decide, no Future Tripping on this one! This is a decision I will make during daytime hours and I will just make this decision for now. I won't waste any time playing out the bazillion possible scenarios and conversations that may or may not happen.... and I will get some much needed rest.

3 comments:

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Congrats on participating at graduation!

If it was me I would just say go for it. Go down there, see what he has to say. What more can you lose?

My Army Brats and Me said...

Good luck with your trip if you go. I will be married 15 yrs tomorrow to my soldier. He was an e-4 then. They can be tuff sometimes but the others great. Go with your heart!

Cindy
fighting like a girl

T said...

I am SO with you. I future trip like a crazy person. It does indeed make me crazy.

I don't know what to tell you. People say, "listen to your gut!"

But is your gut really your brain? And is it your brain you should listen to? Or your heart? But then is your heart just missing him?

I just so get this. Round and round we go...

But yeah, like I mentioned before. You are ok no matter what you decide. Either way will be painful in some way right?

I hope you're doing well and getting some much needed sleep.