Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Eff you estrogen, progesterone and nurotransmitters!

Fueled by big cry baby dramatic PMS mood, restless nights w/o much sleep, sinus/allergy BS I feel like I just need to put my brain on ice and not make any kind of decisions for the next few days.

My coping skills right now are nill. I have been really irrational with my thinking and jumping to conclusions. Thank you hormones. I do blame this on hormones. Up until about 2 years ago, I didn't really "get" what women meant when they talked about the mood swings of PMS. Now I get it all too well. When there are issues on my plate and that time of the month hits I feel a bit like I have out of body experiences. "What did she just say" "Who just said that?" Low and behold, it was Crazy Me.

So day after day this week I think, rethink, over think, and then think some more about the situation with my Ex. Am I waiting for "a sign", a kick in the ass, a slap in the face before I make a decision? I get to a point where I'm ready to say "OK, I'm going to give him another shot" and then a day goes by and I don't hear from him and I'm convinced that it's starting all over again and he's walking away. Never mind that he's out on the ocean fishing and logical that I don't hear from him. It's moments like that that remind me of how deeply I was hurt and wonder if I'm even capable. Not if he's capable of doing what it takes to rebuild us, I don't know if I can do it. Novel concept. I lost my security and I refuse to be in a relationship where I'm *that* girl. Nobody wants to be that girl... why didn't you call? why didn't you return my text? etc. etc. etc. And it's only taking 24 hours of not hearing from him, during my pre-ladytime and I get all dramatic about it.

I want him to fix it. I want him to pull off some grand gesture that will PROOVE that he's serious and magically make all the doubt and hurt go away. I want my hormones to get back in line and a good night's sleep too.

3 comments:

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Everyone wants a grand gesture. I've been there. It's hard, you just have to wait it out and if he does he does. You have to do what's best for you!

T said...

God did I write this post?

I'm not even with my ex anymore and I'm expecting the new guy to pull off the "grand gesture" because I lost my security too.

Exercise helped you? I do that daily and I'm still depressed.

I get it girl. I SO get it.

Anonymous said...

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