Thursday, April 23, 2009

I think this is pretty polite for sh*it that I want to get off my chest

Dear TheManIThoughWasGrownEnoughToTakeYourLumps,

You didn't give me the opportunity to talk to you in person and get some of this off my mind, but I need to say it so I can let it go.

I can't fault someone for ending a relationship that they don't want to be in, but your delivery was really poor. It wasn't like we had just gone on a couple of dates, we had a committed loving relationship for a year and a half. I deserved more consideration than over the phone in the middle of the work day, I think you know this. I never would have expected that from the man I thought I knew. You sounded so flat and cold, it was hard to believe that I was actually talking to the same person. When I got your message later that day, I felt some relief to hear your voice, the voice that was familiar to me, that sounded concerned and contained emotion. I'm not sure why you left that message begging me to return your call if you never intended to actually pick up when I called back or return my call. I'm still in shock and really confused over what happened.

To say the least, I was surprised to find out how you felt or were feeling about our relationship. The things that you said to me were completely 100% contrary to your words and your actions. I wish you had spoken to me more about your true feelings so I had a realistic idea of where we stood. That wasn't fair. Our relationship was an important part of my life and I took it seriously. I thought we felt the same about each other and were looking for a long term relationship....for gods sake, it was YOU that initiated the future talk and wanted me to move and us to start out life together. Now I'm left sitting here with a broken heart to work on healing, wondering what in the world happened, were things between us really so different than I thought? And no final conversation to ask questions or get some sort of closure. I always thought that was kind of a corny word, people talking about needing closure, but now I understand what they mean. To add to the hurt, it seems that you have been able walk away without a thought or giving me the consideration of being able to say this in person.

It hard to believe that it's done. Something and someone that was part of my daily life is just gone.

I do believe that there is a bigger plan at work here, something in store for my life that I don't yet understand, and I do believe that you were a part of my life for a reason. There was a lot of joy and hope brought to my life at a time I needed it, I think that is why it was so disappointing that it ended on such a sour note.

Take from this what you will, it was just something I needed to get out and feel that I've said my peace.

Sincerely - TheWomanYouCan'tGetBack

I've been wanting to say this for 2-plus weeks. The first week I thought I might be given the opportunity to say it in person. Now, not so much. f*cker.


Your Girl Leah said...

You are right, that WAS polite for what even *I* could have said! But founded in what you said in the last paragraph, you have a grounded perspective. A beautiful reminder for everything there is a season.

T said...

Oh girl... this is so familiar. I'm feeling all of your words. I'm hurting and healing right there with you.

Thank you for sharing.