Hum Drums

I'm kind of all over the place these last few months.  One week I'm excited and feeling like my old self, optimistic and a "go get 'em" attitude then I start feeling lost again.

Time to go in to the counselor for a tune up!  Maybe she can help me figure out what it is.

I'm thinking part of it is going thru the get-over-let-go-move-on process again after the final closure weekend with the Ex.  This is the time of year we met and as it's a transition time with the weather and daylight hours and all of that it reminds me of our first dates when he was still living here.  I still miss all those thoughts.  He is at his last set of training before he moves overseas.  It's been three week since I saw him and haven't talked to him since so I'm going thru that phase where it feels really strange not knowing what he's doing or hearing about his training and travels.  Yes, I'll admit I don't help things when I take a look online to see what the weather is like where he is at.

Another part is we're approaching the anniversary of my mother's passing.  October 9th will be two years since we lost her.  I do remember feeling the blues this same time last year so this one is pretty obvious.

But last year I was part of a team.  I need to make that transition back to being me on my own.  It was really the first time in my life that I had ever opened up in a realtionship and let myself truely lean on someone... count on that man to get me thru when I was feeling weak, and actually letting him see those moments when I wasn't feeling like the strong one.  I liked it. This transition back is harder than I thought it would be.

It will be interesting to see if I'm on track or if the counselor brings up somethign else I've been missing.  I know I've said it before but seeing her really is the best decision I've made in a very long time.