I want to share

I want to write about it. I want to write about what happened last week to change my life and the lives of several others. I want to put it into words and share it with people so maybe someone else out there that is going thru something similar can feel that they aren't the only one or get some somethign from the words that I have to say and experiences I can share. Or maybe there is someone out there that would comment to me and let me know that they understand what it's like and I can take away something from hearing about their experiences. I want to write about it so that maybe someone would read it and they would make a different decision in their life that would prevent this same thing from happening to them and the others that it affects.

I've been there, I've been the one to read about someone else in a similar situation to mine and it did help me. That is what got me hooked on blogging. I started to write myself as a way to vent some feelings when I had a relathionship end and it did help me. I want to do that now.

It just isn't at all appropriate for me to blog about what happened. I think I'm going to keep a private journal that at some point in time I will be able to start posting.

I can write about my feelings. I'm scared... I don't know how the reprocussions of this accident will play out mentally. I know it's going to be a challenge. I feel like I was getting a handle on grief and how to navigate that world, but what do I know about post traumatic stress? Yeah, that. That is what "they" are telling me I am going or will be going thru. I know it really hasn't fully hit me yet, it's still so new I'm still in shock and my mind is in "protection" mode not letting everything bubble to the surface at once. It comes in bits and pieces. Sometimes I just want to crumble to the ground, shut down, and forget. I can't. I can't afford to just shut down. I want to cry and have my mom there to comfort me. I can't do that. I just want someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be OK.

I know I am blessed with a great support group and surrounded by love. I know it is a blessing that this all wasn't even more tragic that it already is. I know I will be OK in the long run, I just wish this wasn't even an issue for anyone.