I started to cry this morning as I was logging on to my sparkpeople.com account to start up my food log again.
My password alludes to me having some sort of level of fitness, which I do...and did... but I felt like a phony using that as my password today.
I have an issue with emotional eating and I'm using food to fill that big lonely sad hole right now. This isn't the "oh hey, allow yourself some indulgence while you get over your breakup" kind of thing. The amount of food and lack of control are really starting to scare me. We're talking eatuntilyouarealmostsickstandatthekitchencountereatingsomethingdoesn'teventastesogood kind of thing.
When I read on the always factual internet something about binge eating, "disorder" and "shrouded in secrecy" I figured if I shared I didn't really have "THAT" problem. Right?
Hmmmm.. it also said something about having troubles expressing anger as a cause. Like I have any reason to be angry right now? *pft*
It scares me to be this out of control. I've worked very hard on my fitness over the last several years and I don't know why I would do this to myself. Being somewhat of a control freak, it surprises me that I let something like this be out of control. I'm embarassed. I need to fix this.
Today is a new day. I'm starting my food log again. I've got this.
And Then There Were Two
15 hours ago
2 comments:
I'm sure everything is going to be ok. Maybe you just think that you're over eating because you've always be so aware of what you've ate.
Yes, you do have this! I do the same thing. I hear it is a control thing in it's self. Day by day.
Post a Comment