Not grief counseling...not help after a tragic accident...not help dealing with a grieving dad...
Therapy. For my other "issues".
I never expected for grief counseling to turn into this but I'm taking a step to figure out some stuffs about myself. Things that I actually started to realize or think about after reading another blog.
I want to figure out why I beat myself up so much for being and doing things less than perfect. In theory I know I'm not perfect, don't really expect anyone to be perfect...so why can't I just enjoy what I do and my accomplishments without thinking "Oh well but I should have done this too." I can't even enjoy down time because I'm always thinking "I should be at the gym" or "I should be doing blah blah blah instead" There is always something I should be, should have, could have done or be doing to squash my happy feelings. It's not 100% of the time that I do this, but a great deal of the time.
It appears that I'm my own biggest obstacle to enjoying my life and having the happiness that I desire.
Why do I do that?
I made an appointment with my counselor, and that's what I'm going to do my best to find out. I'm a little afraid to find out I'm more broken than I even imagined.
Thursday, April 1, 2010