Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Next Chapter

Therapy.


Not grief counseling...not help after a tragic accident...not help dealing with a grieving dad...

Therapy. For my other "issues".

I never expected for grief counseling to turn into this but I'm taking a step to figure out some stuffs about myself. Things that I actually started to realize or think about after reading another blog.

I want to figure out why I beat myself up so much for being and doing things less than perfect. In theory I know I'm not perfect, don't really expect anyone to be perfect...so why can't I just enjoy what I do and my accomplishments without thinking "Oh well but I should have done this too." I can't even enjoy down time because I'm always thinking "I should be at the gym" or "I should be doing blah blah blah instead" There is always something I should be, should have, could have done or be doing to squash my happy feelings. It's not 100% of the time that I do this, but a great deal of the time.

It appears that I'm my own biggest obstacle to enjoying my life and having the happiness that I desire.

Why do I do that?

I made an appointment with my counselor, and that's what I'm going to do my best to find out. I'm a little afraid to find out I'm more broken than I even imagined.

4 comments:

Danielle said...

We are all broke in some way. We need to learn to be easier on our selves! Counsiling is a good way to get started!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

It's always good to talk to people and work through things. Best of luck, because you deserve the best!

Amanda said...

I don't think you're any less damaged than the rest of us. But I'm glad you're talking to someone to see if you can figure it out, because it will make you even stronger!

T said...

Nah, not broken. Just human. And as humans we're ALWAYS looking forward instead of staying right here, right now.

What helps is finding something that brings you present mindfulness. In my case, that's yoga or cycling. Then its a daily practice to do it more often.

Awareness is the first step. Sounds like you're on to something.