Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Fast Forward on the Check List...

Insurance company was fast.

The wheelin and dealin will commence this weekend.

From today, they will give me 5 more days on the rental car.

Magic needs to happen ASAP.

I do kind of laugh thinking of the sales men trying to dazzle me with their fancy numbers. That's what I went to school for FOOLS! *wink* Bring it.

Random & Light Hearted *whew*

The initial shock and awe of emotions surrounding my accident are getting better... a little less concentrated and more time in between. What a relief.

On to random entertainment

Had to share. This came via an email forward so might be old news and might not even have originated how it says but I thought it was good enough to share regardless.

The Washington Post's Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming

only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly [the Obamanation?].

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

Current check list...

1. Massive internet research on vehicles - done

2. Secure auto loan - done

3. Check with insurance company regarding cost to insure top three auto choices - done

4. Go see, test drive, finalize top three choices - this weekend

5. Lets make a deal - next week

6. Get rid of STANK rental car - not soon enough

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I want to share

I want to write about it. I want to write about what happened last week to change my life and the lives of several others. I want to put it into words and share it with people so maybe someone else out there that is going thru something similar can feel that they aren't the only one or get some somethign from the words that I have to say and experiences I can share. Or maybe there is someone out there that would comment to me and let me know that they understand what it's like and I can take away something from hearing about their experiences. I want to write about it so that maybe someone would read it and they would make a different decision in their life that would prevent this same thing from happening to them and the others that it affects.

I've been there, I've been the one to read about someone else in a similar situation to mine and it did help me. That is what got me hooked on blogging. I started to write myself as a way to vent some feelings when I had a relathionship end and it did help me. I want to do that now.

It just isn't at all appropriate for me to blog about what happened. I think I'm going to keep a private journal that at some point in time I will be able to start posting.

I can write about my feelings. I'm scared... I don't know how the reprocussions of this accident will play out mentally. I know it's going to be a challenge. I feel like I was getting a handle on grief and how to navigate that world, but what do I know about post traumatic stress? Yeah, that. That is what "they" are telling me I am going or will be going thru. I know it really hasn't fully hit me yet, it's still so new I'm still in shock and my mind is in "protection" mode not letting everything bubble to the surface at once. It comes in bits and pieces. Sometimes I just want to crumble to the ground, shut down, and forget. I can't. I can't afford to just shut down. I want to cry and have my mom there to comfort me. I can't do that. I just want someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be OK.

I know I am blessed with a great support group and surrounded by love. I know it is a blessing that this all wasn't even more tragic that it already is. I know I will be OK in the long run, I just wish this wasn't even an issue for anyone.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

tragic curve ball

They come unexpectedly and we learn to deal when life sends us curveballs. Just when I was starting to feel like me again, another challenge presents itself. I do wonder a bit why I'm being tested, but I have to try my hardest to remember that I am not in control of the big picture and that there is a reason.

Right now I can't even begin to have the words to explain what has happened, I will just say I was involved in a tragic accident. Blessed that I was able to walk away physically with no more than some cuts and bruises, mentally is left to be written.

There are a lot of people that will need God's Grace to help heal their hearts, please include them in your thoughts and prayers.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

School House Rock ROCKS all over again!

School House Rock! - EARTH
Being a young child of the 70's... I LOVE LOVE LOVE School House Rock clips.

Present day I was searching around to purchase them on DVD and look what I found.
I think this is about the coolest thing ever. I will add this to my other purchase of the regular clips. Not bad on, both together qualify for free shipping.

Product Description:
Schoolhouse Rock is going green! Schoolhouse Rock! Earth has all the heart and musical soul of the original Schoolhouse Rock, designed for a new generation of fans! Eleven all-new songs with all-new animation prove that caring about the environment can be rockin fun! The orignal Schoolhouse Rock masters have written all new songs sung by beloved voices from timeless classics like I'm Just A Bill and Conjunction Junction. There couldn't be a better time to be educated and entertained about water conservation, recycling, biodiversity, solar power and the rainforest, the Schoolhouse Rock way!

I may love these so much that it's an idea for a give away when I ever get to a point in my blogging that I do that!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Sweet Release & Harsh Realizations

Sweet Release

I don't realize, or rather I try to blow off, how much things really bother me. My visit to the counselor yesterday concluded with me getting some issues off my chest and the stress released. I was and am feeling lighter and my spirit a little more free than it has been over the last 4 weeks.

Just having that place to sit and let this stuff out and have someone to guide me thru some of my grief process as well as help me see the process as it affects the family dynamic has been a huge help for me.

Harsh Realization

Not until I sit down with my counselor and just start crying as soon as I open my mouth did I realize the impact or stress that I was feeling over trying to get a handle on my relationship with my dad. (step-dad, they were married for 24 years and my bio isn't in the picture)

The harsh reality is that although I'm at a place and ready to try and have a normal relationship again, he isn't. He is not processing his grief and it causes him to talk and act in strange and unfamiliar ways. There isn't a darn thing that I can do about it and if I keep trying I'm actually doing his grieving process a disservice. He needs time to figure it out and heal. It doesn't mean that I walk away, but it does mean that I don't let myself be the target of him transferring his anger instead of dealing with like he should.

No child of any age wants to accept the fact that they have lost (hopefully temporarily) not just one but both parents. There is so much guilt twisted up into the mix and I needed to be reminded that there isn't anything I can do. I can't help him like I want to. I can't help him like I feel I should and I can't beat myself up over it. I'm not all powerful and it's OK. I'm not doing a disservice to my mom, who asked me to make sure he was OK and that he'd need my help. I can't do it because he is not ready and he's the only one that can work thru his grief. Right now, I'm a reminder of my mother and it's probably overwhelming sometimes for him to see me and spend time with me.

I just never expected it to be like this. I thought when my mom's fight was over, it was going to be me and my dad fighting thru this whole after process together.

I pray for him and ask that he be guided to a time and place where he can start to really heal.

I thank God for my family and the support system I do have that is still intact.

Other Stuff
I did not bring up the subject of the current situation with my Ex and me trying to figure out if I will take him back. Another issue jumped to the forefront begging to be worked on.
She did make an interesting comment regarding men and when I'll know that I have a "keeper". It has to do with recognizing the highly matriarchal structure of my family. When I have a man in my life that is willing to challenge that a bit by stepping up and making a place for a man in the structure, as well as being there for me emotionally... that will be the keeper. Oh yeah, and she has a hunch that it will be hard for me to let him be there for me emotionally. *I have no idea what she is talking about... heh* Here come the "lack of daddy" issues that I would swear didn't have an impact on me and dating. As she so kindly pointed out, I've never had that kind of man in my life so I have to be careful to not settle.

OK enough for now. I needed to run thru it all again today to make sure it sticks!

Sunday, July 12, 2009


I'd been posting just kind of random light distracting stuff.  The master of distraction has been at it again and I've found lots of stuff to try and keep "issues" out of my head.

I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow.  It's been about a month.  It was suppose to be two weeks, but she was sick then I went on vacation.

I'm dreading going in tomorrow.  Almost in tears kind of dreading going in because things I've been trying to ignore are going to have to come out and be dealt with.  I know it's needed because I've been doing quite a bit of "future tripping" at night and starting to feel the absent and disengaged self coming back.

I want to hug my mom.  I sometimes I almost try to forget her so I don't miss her so much. *ouch*  I still can't believe I'll never be able to touch her again or hear the sound of her voice.

I just don't know what to do about my relationship with my dad.

Other than mentioning that we had broken up, we've never talked about my ex or that situation.  I can't decided if I want to bring up the current situation.  I think I know in my heart what needs to be done, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it.  If I talk to her about it, I imagine she would encourage me to get it done and over with and I'm not sure I want to hear that right now.  Like if I give it a little more time something magical will happen and what I feel now will be proven wrong and I'll skip off happily ever after with the love of my life..... and I live on Fantasy Island.

Um, I wonder if I can find another vacation, pass time, event to keep me occupied instead? Back to my Snuggy and maybe a glass of wine.  

Snug a dub dub ...

Oh yes I did... I bought a Snuggie.

Brilliant, really it is.  I could have used this years ago... all those long hours on the couch reading textbooks.  And perfect for those chilly days sitting blogging.  I highly recommend.

I may have been inspired by the overcast chilly rainy weather today.  

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Cure for Vacation Hangover

Order pizza, open bottle of Negra Modelo (favorite beer), sit on the couch with fat purring cat on lap to catch up on DVR/TV and read a week's worth of blogs.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Bu

Let me share again my guaranteed 100% success vacation weight loss plan.

There are 20-something miles of Malibu beaches to be stalked run searching...and searching...for...