Friday, August 21, 2009

The Alamo & Unfinished Business

Looks like I'm off to The Alamo to take care of some unfinished business.

Well, it was finished business that has since gotten complicated and became unfinished but you get what I'm sayin'?

Going to see The Ex for a weekend.

This all relates to The Ex and his change of heart and asking me to give him a second chance. Yeah, that started months ago and we're just now actually getting to a face to face. He'll try and say it's all because of the Army and the timing. I say that is only part of the issue and that he has had plenty of opportunity to make this happen before now. That is a huge part of why I think it is probably going to be a final good bye rather than the start of trying to put things back together.

He waited too long. With his upcoming overseas move whether or not there was even time to rebuild something strong enough to last thru that was already questionable (to me). And then he has waited, and waited, and waited to make this happen. He knew that I was open to the idea but I felt that there needed to be a face to face discussion before I could even make a decision and it didn't happen.

Am I being unreasonable and not understanding enough of what he's been going thru with his career, career path changes, the Army, the Army's penchant for changes, etc etc etc? I don't think so, but I'm not on that side of the fence. I do know that when we met and for the year and a half that we were together he was in the Army, he was and did start and complete the first year of his job, and all thru that he made sure that he made things happen between us, visits and the phone calls (even if just for 10 seconds to say hello) and text messages etc. So because of that, I feel that if he really wanted it he would have made it happen... because he has been able to make that happen before.

I haven't been thru a deployment, but I can only imagine the solid foundation and strength in the relationship that is needed for it to be successful. We HAD that, but then it was broken and I just don't know how that can even be fixed in time.

I guess regardless of it being because of circumstances outside of his control I don't think there is enough time left. It's about 7-8 weeks before he will leave for overseas, he's finishing up his current training in a couple of weeks then off to another state for another 3 weeks and then bye bye for a long time.

I wonder why I'm even going to see him? It has been a little over 4 months since we broke up and it is probably too late, but I feel that I just need to make sure. Seeing him, seeing if there is still a connection, seeing if this is something keep trying for is something I have to do. This was a man that made me feel loved like I never have before, this was a man that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with... even with the heartbreak, I just have to make sure.


Crazy Shenanigans said...

Deployments are HARD. No matter how strong the relationship is deployments bring out the best and worst.

I say go and either say goodbye or pick up the pieces. Those are really your only two options. Just do what's best for you. I've learned with the army that guys do whatever they have to do to be with the ones that they matter what.

T said...

Yeah, I agree. If it really meant something to him, he would have made the effort. He can give the Army as an excuse all day long. And sure, maybe he is feeling a little different due to the deployment.

But you. You have to listen to your gut.

Sending you all the best of strength to do what must be done. Whatever that is.