Discombobulated

I can’t seem to get my ish together this week.


Since I don’t really want to do any real head work (aka: haven’t gone back to talk to my counselor because the solutions involve doing things I can’t bring myself to do) and I need a new goal (aka: a distraction and something other than what I really need to be doing but big enough that it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something) I’m back to focusing on my fitness . This is something I can control. I think I’m still coming out of three years of feeling a whole lot of out of control stuffs and trying to snap out of the fear and worry induced funk that has put me in.

This time, I’m also throwing in some diet changes. Going beyond logging my food and watching calories and this time I’m changing up the types of food I eat and when I eat them. You know, the whole move away from so many processed foods etc.

I’m getting back into the groove. As a general goal, I’ve got about 15lbs I want to lose, but more important is my overall appearance and reducing that body fat. Pretty much re-doing what I have undone over the last three months. Even with 2 weeks of good resistance training and better eating under my belt I see my body responding pretty quickly.

But this week, my goodness. I feel fortunate that I’m making it out the door with pants on in the morning. Two days I’ve woken up and turned off the alarm rather than hit snooze. I haven’t remembered to set the coffee pot or the cat food feeder (yeah, nothing two hours of a wet nose and whiskers in your face in the AM to put you in a great mood). I haven’t had the time to eat my good breakfast and have been hit by the dreaded late night snack attack.

Yeah, this is kind of venting and very random but hey… that’s what my blog is.

I’d like to think I’m handling it well, but I’m thinking that father’s day approaching might have some affect on me. I have not a single person to send a father’s day card to. And here is the PMS (did I forget to mention it’s also THAT week as well?) and hormones talking…. thinking about father’s day leads me to wondering if I’ll ever have my own family. I’m craving it. I’m kind of it right now. Yes, I have my family like my Granny and auntie and uncles, cousins etc but I don’t have that immediate mom/dad or husband/kids family. I’m not really adjusting well to being on my own and as the big four-oh isn’t in the too distant future I wonder if that will ever be a real possibility for me.

Alrighty then, on that light note… I’m off to live in la la land and put together a 4th of July care package for the Ex that swears when he gets back it will all be better and different.

Happy Effin Hump Day!

Grouchy....out!

It's done! Race for the Cure 2010 ...a slow and steady 36 mins

Done!  My first 5k, 2010 Race for the Cure (Susan G. Komen for the Cure). I came in at my exact time goal of 36 mins.

In typical fashion for the Northwest, it rained. As much as I was whining, I think it kind of helped keep me cool.

But the best news is I exceeded my personal goal for donations, my friends and family kicked in for $840! Woo hoo!  This is the big fundraising even for our local chapter of Susan G. Komen for the Cure.  It's an organization I passionately support was tickled to turn in my donations.  *smile*

OK, what's next?  I need a new task.

3 never looked so good

I did it.  THANK GAWD... 

With less than 2 weeks (that includes a holiday weekend trip to see the fam) to my first 5k I did 3 miles for the first time evah!   I will admit that I had a tiny 45sec (yes I timed it) walk at the 2.25 mile point to catch up on my breathing but other than that...

At least now I feel reassured the 5k won't be a total fail.*whew*

WWIT: Confession

Binge Eating

I am having a serious issue with overeating in the evenings. Standing at the kitchen counter shoveling in an extra 1000 calories when my tummy is uncomfortably full kind of eating.

And it's spiraling. I feel like I've completely undone that hard work I did in January/Feb to get in good shape... and that feeling bad leads me to fill up the hole with more food.

And I don't want to go to counseling. I'm tired of talking about things that are wrong with me.

Schtuff...and feeling kinda stuck

Mother's Day

I hope all of the amazing Mother's out there enjoyed their celebration.  We all know it should be an every day occurance.... celebrating the women that have made us who and what we are.   They come in many forms, some gave birth to us, some have been there for us like no other, and many who have stood with us as a support system as we grow and walk thru life.  
Bitter sweet day for me. Beautiful memories of my mother and many years together and a reminder that she is gone. This MD #3 that she' hasn't been around and it is developing into something different. More on the fond memories side than heavy with the sadness.

I had a really different kind of Mother's Day sadness hit me this weekend. I could feel it creeping in on Friday. Something about this year felt more about me rather than about my mom.  This weekend I was feeling a sadness over not having a family of my own. With my mom gone and my relationship with my step-dad falling apart at the same time, I don't feel like I have that first level of family. MY family... my primary family. It made me sad to think that in that particular sense I am alone... it's just me. No partner, no kids. I still hope that being a mom and having MY family is in my future but the reality that that time may pass me by hit home this weekend.

C25K

Oh boy, the 5k training hasn't been so hot these last two weeks. I have lingering respiratory crap from a chest cold I had a month ago and it's really draining me and making it hard to get my butt in gear on the running. I keep trying and I can tell each time that's it's more difficult than it should be. My lungs feel like they are only running at 80%, breathing heaving comes faster than it should and I've been just flat out tired.

I haven't been on the treadmill since last Wednesday when I did Week 5 - Day #2 of the C25K program. I know I'm behind. I'm going to try a repeat of that work out because I know Week 5- Day #2 25min solid run would not be happening right now.

Wish me luck and let’s hope I don't lose a lung tonight!

Oh yeah... "what was I thinking"

I thnk I may have neglected to mention that I've fallen back into the bad habit of The Ex.  This may end up as one for the "What was I thinking" hall of fame.  I'm sure it's keeping me held back from and kind of stuck in the past.  Baby steps.  As much as he is pushing and pouring it on THICK, I have made it clear that there isn't any kind of possibility of us having a relationship until he gets back.  Neither he nor I can make a decision while he is deployed, we'll see how he feels when he's back in the real world and if I'm available.  In the mean time, he's doing his best to do things and say things to make sure he's not forgotten. *eh*  Easy to do when you are isolated.

C25K Iphone app is THE BEST!!

I love it I love it I love it.

Seriously, anyone trying the Couch to 5k program that has an iphone must get the program.  I don't know how they do it, but within the application it takes you to your itunes library and you make song list for your running and they give audio ques over your music for your walk/run cycles.  

It keeps track of each session and you can even directly post your progress to facebook.

Pretty slick, just choose which workout day you are on and hit start... music up and off you go!

Since I'm behind and I'm not a couch potato I stared with Week 2.  Even coming off my illness it's too easy.  It was good to test out my lungs but I added on some additional running.  Tomorrow I'm going to jump into week 3:  two rounds of 1.5 min run/1.5 min walk, 3 min run/3 min walk.

I have a feeling I will work thru this one only twice (instead of 3 times for the week) and then move on to week 4 but we shall see.

Did I mention that I think this app is super coolio?

Couch to 5K

C25K iphone application

C25K Update

So 6 weeks until my 5k and I sadly haven't trained at all.  I've been sick with some gunk in my chest and when I attemped to run on Monday I was coughing so hard I not only came close to choking on my own phlem, I also pretty much peed my pants.  That is aweome. *heh*

Now the powers of Google had lead me to a couple of training plans for "5k in 6 weeks" and I'm going to give a shot at it again this evening.

Wish me and my depends luck!