Snow Day & confused feelers

Snow day!   I'll take advantage to organize at home and get some baking done.  Sweet, I needed and extra day or two.

He's all the way out.  No more in transit... boots on the non-sandy ground!

I am thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to single digits before departure.

I'm scared.  Excited but that nervous kind of scared.

I don't even know how to describe this, but it felt kind of odd talking to him under normal conditions.  Did he really just say he's going to go meet up with friends for dinner after he runs a few errands?    I'm confused by the selfishy jealousy feelings I'm having.  I couldn't be more incredibly happy he is out of there... but wait.... you aren't just sitting waiting to talk to me some more?  You have options other than me?     Gezus, get over yourself girl.    You will be there soon enough.  I feel bad I couldn't be there to welcome him home into my arms.  I'm stalking facebook for them to post the video.

I don't really understand some of these feelings.

It's not all circus acts and happy traveling rainbows

Three weeks.  That's about all I have left until I jump in feet first.

I've been distracted with planning and trying to get organized for my upcoming trip as well as the holidays and all the other stuff going on between now and D-day.     My head has been in la la land.  I've been doing really well personally; reaching some fitness and health goals which I never imagined myself doing, I've kicked the grief cycles evil ass, and I've been doing pretty well living in the present .... until....

what if....
It has pretty much been sunshine and rainbows and really cool, but I'm starting to "what if" and over think.  Am I being realistic? Do have too many expectations? Shit. Over a year worth of relationship (ups and downs) all over the phone and computer. It's been going so well, the last couple of months have been great. He really has been doing everything he can given the circumstances to make sure he shows that he really wants this and is serious. He listened to me, he's putting talk into action. *blink blink* Wholly hell. I got what I asked for..... *blink blink* What is it going to be like to be together again? I am so excited and my heart is just aching to get there... but. but. but what if..... and that's what sets off my mini anxiety. I don't want to create anxiety over events that haven't or may not even happen. That is deadly and it results in annoying behavior on my part. But I don't want to go too far the other direction either. I want to be realistic.

OK, back to shiny happy things.... distraction techniques....keeping busy until it's time for me to take off and then just go with the flow.  Yes.  That is what I'm going to do. Really... really I am.  I mean, how do I not keep distracted when I have accessories to buy, dinner parties to plan, cookies to bake, a holiday with the fam.... easy peasy. (shit, it's like a 9 hour flight with nothing to do but think) 

Running away to the circus...

Warning to parents, it's easier for you kids to do than you think. (any given day this may be a good thing?)

No seriously. This is me... for real.  I tried to post a video but I think it was too large.

 

Hell yeah it was fun.  A little scary but I've kind of been in to getting over my fears and just jumping into things lately. Too bad relationship don't have all that safety equipment!

 

TICK TOCK.... TICK TOCK.... time flies when you have a lot of shit to get done

OMG  I have less than 30 days from leaving for my one woman homecoming ceremony.  Where did the time go?

evening dress... check
winter clothes...check
suits & summer clothes.....check

 

christmas gifts..... so very close to check

to do.... primping!  cut & color, waxing, buffing, polishing, manicuring....

There's no crying at concerts! Beautiful tribute...

I went to see Brian McKnight in concert last night... the concert was awesome.  I expected nothing less from an amazing song writer that I've listened to for dang near 20 years (gulp, when did I get that old!?!)

He did a tear producing tribute last night that included this song.... I wish I could have recorded he and his two sons (they are part of his band and just as talented) singing the Star Spangled Banner acappella.

*WWIT Reality Check* Hello Luvahs.....

* A check yourself update*

Damn it.  I don't even have a job that requires I wear cute business clothes and heels.  I can pretty much wear a notch above PJ's if I wanted to.   I have a closet full of cute heels and other than sneakers maybe 2 casual shoes appropriate for our rainy crap winter.  So I've come to a compromise.

1. I'm saying goodbye to my soft as butter leather beautiful blue shoes.

2. I AM buying something to replace them.  Some functional and cute North Face winter boots that I've been searching for for the last few years.  I'm excited to finally found winter boots that I love.

3.  I get to keep a version of the pretty ruffly shoes.  The color below is apparently the current season, but I found a soft grey color for less than 1/2 the price because it is sooooo last season. Who cares!  I love the shoe and I swear to goodness I've never found a pair of heels that are this super soft.  It's dang near like wearing ballet flats.

Win Win Sitch

This is an illusion, I really didn't just replace the "cleaning out the closet" shoes. *grin*

Evoke the strategic packing gods... *ohmmmm*

Oh Saint Christopher....

I've got to start some strategic packing planning, like now.  My big 3 week adventure isn't for a few months yet but here is what I face.  Packing for three weeks that include winter in Europe, a need for a formal dress (which I just found out about that little addition today... I'm looking forward to the event but just sayin..), a week in a tropical location and Christmas in the Heartland.

And get that all done in luggage that I'm draggin around with me for 20,000 miles.

WTHeck

The best that I can come up with right now is planning on shipping what I can for Christmas so I don't have to carry it and maybe shipping my dress too?

P.S. I want to start shopping now but chances are in the next 1 to 1.5 months I will be size smaller.

*I am so aware that there could be some seriously worse thing for me to be stressing about*

After.....

Ha ha!

I am so completely happy that I choose to get this done.

These were just for sleep my first night.  Check up this morning... 20/20 both eyes baby!  Super success, the procedure was painless and quick.   Spent the day yesterday with different alarms and timers set on my phone for the every 1/2 hour and then every two hour rounds of artificial tears, antibiotics and steroids.  I could have gone back to work this afternoon but decided to "rest my eyes" (aka: shoe shopping and pretending to be a lady of leisure at the fancy mall)  Speaking of, a little off topic but....

Most difficult part is going to be the "no sports" over the next week.  I really tried to figure out a way that I could work out but one of the big concerns is sweat and I'm one of those super sweat people (yeah, I know luck me) so I'm going to be a walking fool for the next week to try and keep up with my fitness.

I am so happy I did this.  Took myself shopping for new non Rx sunglasses after the appointment.

EEEEEEiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!