Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Diary of an Angry White Woman

And by diary I mean one angry post and then I'm not letting the anger eat away at me.

Love, talking about our future together, a trip overseas, a Christmas ball, a tropical vacation, Christmas with his family and it all went to hell with less than 24 hours to go.

I got played..... several times over.  And by played I sure do mean multiple women in multiple locations all being told similar things about love and futures together.  It's embarrassing to even say out loud but I'm not the one that did anything wrong.

I'm giving him a title; Emotional Con Man.  I was conned, but it wasn't for my money or anything material.  It was for my love, devotion and support.

FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER!

Turns out the man I was in love with didn't even exist. The facade he created and the image of who he was and what he stands for and believes in is a total front.  Everything he talks about as important traits and positive characteristics are the exact opposite of what he actually is.  I can't even imagine how conflicted and miserable someone must be living life knowing that they are not at all what they portray to the world and consider admirable.  I have no idea what to actually call someone that does this to others.  I'm sure there is a psychological term, anything I can really come up with consists of several very unladylike words strung together and shouted at the top of my lungs.

I wrote this blog post in my head, sitting at a slot machine with a beer.  I thought this was an appropriate image for someone who just had half the carpet pulled out from under them while getting punched in the gut at the same time.  All that was missing is a cigarette.

I can be loyal to a fault.  To the point where I sometimes don't see things I should because I believe that people I love are as loyal to me as I am to them.  Maybe I needed the hard line version of the truth so that there wasn't any question and I didn't stick around any longer.  Thank goodness I didn't get sucked in any further.

Hard hit to take.  I'm angry that he did this to me.  I'm angry that he does this this to women. I'm angry that while three of us sit with this feeling of betrayal (of course I told them), he gets to just go along and keep up with any others out there or start working on a batch of new victims.  I'm angry that there are so many people in his life that are fooled into believing this facade is the real person.  I don't think I've ever met a bigger hypocrite in my life.

So, dude, you got me.  Does it feel good?  Does it boost your little ego?  But now I know who you really are and you are the one that has to live with that miserable person not me.  I'll get over it, you wont, you are stuck with you.  Duces!

5 comments:

Jessica @ {Mis}Adventures of an Army Wife said...

*hugs*

And I love that you threw duces! =)

Danielle said...

Been there and done this several times in my dating life. So very sorry that anyone else ever has to go through it.
Learn from it. He will not. You will be better for it. He will not. You will find true love. He will not! Be happy that you are good and can really love. He will never be happy nor ever really know love!
*BIG HUGS*

T said...

*sigh*

It's called narcissism. And that's what MY soldier was too.

((The biggest hugs on the planet))

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Wait... I'm having a flashback to my previous relationship with someone in the army. Ekk! I think it's awesome that you gave him the deuces!

Nice Peace of Buddhy said...

Ouch.