Monday, January 18, 2010

To forget... or not to forget?

Is my mind playing a trick on me or am I ready to let go of a past hurt?

The Ex and I have slipped into what feels like our old relationship flow. As much of a flow as there can be with him being deployed, but since the majority of our relationship has been apart this feels pretty normal for us.

I knew we'd be in contact while he was deployed, we did leave it as "friends" after all.  This is feeling a lot different than friends. It feels like we're partners again. He's looking after me even from the other side of the globe, we're sharing the sweet nothings and tenderness that certainly isn't something I do with "friends", to the best of his ability he is letting me know if there are going to be communication issues and then checks back in as soon and as often as he can. THIS is the man I loved, not the man that broke my heart. It’s a bit twisted that it is happening now that he is deployed, but I feel like he’s putting in the effort to “prove it” to me…. that is the feeling I had been trying to get all summer/fall.

It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in this and feel like all is OK and back to what it was before our difficulties hit last spring. Is that just a trick my mind is playing or is it OK for me to let go of that hurt from the past and just be OK with this? Am I creating a situation in my head that doesn't really exist because that is less painful than dealing with reality? Or am I at that point that I've worked thru my feelings and can finally let the hurt go and take him back as he's been asking? Is this the bolt of lightning/slap in the face/sign in the clouds that I've been waiting for? Could the sign really be as simple as me feeling content?

You know, right or wrong, good or bad choice, for now I’m OK with not feeling so damn heartbroken and hurt.

4 comments:

T said...

I got nuthin'.

I'd love to say that yes, this is exactly what you've been waiting for. I also know that deployment changes the mindset of everyone involved. There is no "back to normal" after that. That could mean he is this guy or he may be someone else when he returns.

Go with what feels good.

Danielle said...

You need to go with your gut! My only feer is that you are questioning it in this post, so is your gut trying to tell you something that you are ignoring?
Only you knows what is in your heart. You'll do what is right for you.

Sara said...

To continue in your relationship after being hurt it's necessary to move on. And it's wonderful things are just as you'd hoped they'd be.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

We've had MANY conversations on this one lol. I say, just keep doing what your doing. As the time gets closer and closer to him coming home, I think you'll get the answer to what you're looking for.