Thursday, November 11, 2010

It's not all circus acts and happy traveling rainbows

Three weeks.  That's about all I have left until I jump in feet first.

I've been distracted with planning and trying to get organized for my upcoming trip as well as the holidays and all the other stuff going on between now and D-day.     My head has been in la la land.  I've been doing really well personally; reaching some fitness and health goals which I never imagined myself doing, I've kicked the grief cycles evil ass, and I've been doing pretty well living in the present .... until....

what if....
It has pretty much been sunshine and rainbows and really cool, but I'm starting to "what if" and over think.  Am I being realistic? Do have too many expectations? Shit. Over a year worth of relationship (ups and downs) all over the phone and computer. It's been going so well, the last couple of months have been great. He really has been doing everything he can given the circumstances to make sure he shows that he really wants this and is serious. He listened to me, he's putting talk into action. *blink blink* Wholly hell. I got what I asked for..... *blink blink* What is it going to be like to be together again? I am so excited and my heart is just aching to get there... but. but. but what if..... and that's what sets off my mini anxiety. I don't want to create anxiety over events that haven't or may not even happen. That is deadly and it results in annoying behavior on my part. But I don't want to go too far the other direction either. I want to be realistic.

OK, back to shiny happy things.... distraction techniques....keeping busy until it's time for me to take off and then just go with the flow.  Yes.  That is what I'm going to do. Really... really I am.  I mean, how do I not keep distracted when I have accessories to buy, dinner parties to plan, cookies to bake, a holiday with the fam.... easy peasy. (shit, it's like a 9 hour flight with nothing to do but think) 


Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Take books and watch the in flight entertainment!! I hope the trip goes exactly how you hope it will!!!