Although I wasn't physically missing, what I feel is the real me has been on hiatus for the past three years or so. I finally finally finally feel like myself again! It's been a struggle and some hard work on my part but I feel like I've escaped the grasp of that Nasty Grief Monster and for the first time in about three years I feel like me. I'm LIVING my life again.... not just going thru the motions and it never felt so good.
Grief is a really odd thing. The impact it has on a person and the process over time is different for everyone. Even having educated myself as much as possible on the whole process, there were times that it was hard to recognize. Yeah, I was feeling blue and not really engaged in my life and with my friends, but I wasn't sitting and specifically thinking "I miss my mom." It had developed into a more general cloud of blah that would come in and hang around for a couple months at a time, blow over, and come back again.
I know it can still come an go. For today, this month and this moment I am in full on celebration of feeling like SS once again!! I've missed her, I love her, I'm so happy to have her back. *hugs myself*
So the big week thing... I'm getting new eyes!
Thursday AM I go in for LASIK. *blink blnk* I had to start today with my "no makeup" for three days before surgery, I'm getting in three hard work outs because "no sports" for a week post surgery (and no makeup too). I've officially gone from nervous to so excited to get it done! I was out playing in the sun a lot this weekend... paddling around a big lake and the local arboretum, sitting on a dock watching the boats pour thru "the cut" from one lake to another.... and happily telling my Rx sunglasses it doesn't matter if you get covered with spray on sunscreen because this week you are going in the garbage!!
And the other big thing.. VACATION BOOKED!
December vacation with "The Ex" who really isn't so much of an Ex anymore is a done deal. Frantic planning with limited phone calls & skype are complete, tickets booked, vacation time is a go. One small detail left. I have to inform my family that I will not be home for the Christmas holidays. They will be happy for me, but also a little bummed that I won't be there. I got the umpteenth degree from my Granny back when I went on my first vacation with TheExNotEx. She knows he and I have maintained contact, but I can only imagine the questions I'm going to get regarding my three week, 20,000mile, two continent, three country December adventure with him. Well, and the sweet thing doesn't have the best short term memory these days so she will probably ask the same question about 5 times every 30 minutes.
Anywho... he has been doing a really good job (what he can considering the circumstances) giving me the follow thru and commitment that I need to help rebuild things.
Now I can finally start getting excited and looking forward to this trip, because, hot damn... it's ON!
Monday, August 16, 2010