Discombobulated

I can’t seem to get my ish together this week.


Since I don’t really want to do any real head work (aka: haven’t gone back to talk to my counselor because the solutions involve doing things I can’t bring myself to do) and I need a new goal (aka: a distraction and something other than what I really need to be doing but big enough that it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something) I’m back to focusing on my fitness . This is something I can control. I think I’m still coming out of three years of feeling a whole lot of out of control stuffs and trying to snap out of the fear and worry induced funk that has put me in.

This time, I’m also throwing in some diet changes. Going beyond logging my food and watching calories and this time I’m changing up the types of food I eat and when I eat them. You know, the whole move away from so many processed foods etc.

I’m getting back into the groove. As a general goal, I’ve got about 15lbs I want to lose, but more important is my overall appearance and reducing that body fat. Pretty much re-doing what I have undone over the last three months. Even with 2 weeks of good resistance training and better eating under my belt I see my body responding pretty quickly.

But this week, my goodness. I feel fortunate that I’m making it out the door with pants on in the morning. Two days I’ve woken up and turned off the alarm rather than hit snooze. I haven’t remembered to set the coffee pot or the cat food feeder (yeah, nothing two hours of a wet nose and whiskers in your face in the AM to put you in a great mood). I haven’t had the time to eat my good breakfast and have been hit by the dreaded late night snack attack.

Yeah, this is kind of venting and very random but hey… that’s what my blog is.

I’d like to think I’m handling it well, but I’m thinking that father’s day approaching might have some affect on me. I have not a single person to send a father’s day card to. And here is the PMS (did I forget to mention it’s also THAT week as well?) and hormones talking…. thinking about father’s day leads me to wondering if I’ll ever have my own family. I’m craving it. I’m kind of it right now. Yes, I have my family like my Granny and auntie and uncles, cousins etc but I don’t have that immediate mom/dad or husband/kids family. I’m not really adjusting well to being on my own and as the big four-oh isn’t in the too distant future I wonder if that will ever be a real possibility for me.

Alrighty then, on that light note… I’m off to live in la la land and put together a 4th of July care package for the Ex that swears when he gets back it will all be better and different.

Happy Effin Hump Day!

Grouchy....out!