Blessed & Thankful

I had an early start to Thanksgiving on Sunday. One of my mom's dear friends invited me over to have Sunday/early Thanksgiving dinner with her and her family. It was so warm and inviting; I truly did appreciate being included with their family and bless her heart for making sure her friend's daughter is being looked after. I really have a new collection of mothers and it's pretty cute to see them step up and give the same rounds of 20 questions that my mom would have when it comes to anything from men, career, and life in general.


It's never fails. At times when I'm worried about emotions that will hit me around the holidays I have been extremely blessed with friends and family and unexpected opportunities to see the warm and loving nature of people.

I'm getting ready to leave for the other side of the state and Thanksgiving with my Granny and the rest of the family. My uncle has moved back up from Texas so it will be a great addition to have him around for the holiday dinner. Slowly my family seems to be putting itself back together after we seemed to have lost our "glue". The dynamics are shifting and it's an interesting mix of new and different along with old and reliable.

I am thankful for so many things in my life. I am surrounded by so much love and a family that some of us were born into and others have been added along the way. I have my family, I have my health, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and really everything I need.

I wish everyone to have as many blessings as I have this holiday season. Eat, drink and be merry!

How am I suppose to keep emotions out of this?!?

::sigh::

I am already like a crack fiend waiting for that little email to pop up telling me there is a new listing.

I've already got bent out of shape over a place that I wanted but due to some shady listing practice already had an offer as soon as it was listed. (I don't quite know all the details but my agent said it wasn't right)

I've been told that if I can keep emotions out of it, we can consider short sales so I can get a great deal.  And trust, there are more short sales than regular sales in the hood where I'm looking.  I'm not worried that it will be a bad investment, it's just that 2 years ago prices were soaring.  This is a sound and desireable neighborhood.

I have to share, here is the place I was upset about today.  It's exactly what I was looking for...with the exclusion of the nasty wall paper and outdated appliances. Those are easy changes.   2 bedroom, 1.75 bath, huge deck with extra storage. :::BIG sigh:::

All righty.. I'm off to poke someones eyes out and be grumpy. Have wonderful weekends!

Feet Wet

Got my feet wet last night. I did my first round of looking at condos. It was a really good experience but how odd was it to be in folks’ homes and opening cupboards and looking in closets. I was really hesitant at first but by the 3rd unit I was all up in it.


I learned some things that I like and some I definitely don't. It was a good start and now I have some things under my belt for comparison purposes. Frustrating to find a unit that I really liked the space and the bedrooms and the master bath was AWESOME but it was the strangest set up to get from the parking to the building. Creepy and I'm in the land of rain that doesn't stop all winter, like I'm willing to go for a hike with my groceries? Don't think so.

Now I sit staring at my email and the listing sights like I'm a crack fiend and the new listing is my dealing pulling into the driveway with a goodie!

Hi ho...hi ho... condo shopping I will go....

I'm nervous as hell, but I'm doing it.  I'm taking the step from browsing on the internet to actually getting an agent and making appointments to go look at some condos!

What am I doing?  I'm not too sure myself other than getting tired of renting.  I have been saving and thinking that "someday" I will use that money for a down payment on a house for me and my family. Hmmm. No family, why wait? Why not buy something for me?

Three years ago when I'd be out walking I'd pull fliers and see how ridonkulous prices for "apartments" in my neighborhood are.  Frustrated that I couldn't even afford to buy a small condo in the neighborhood where I'm currently renting.  Guess what, prices are falling and I'm no longer priced out of my own hood.

I haven't even gone to my first appointment (it's tomororw) and I'm already thinking about buyers remorse and what might happen as soon as I plunk down what feels to me like a fortune on a down payment and closing costs.  Scared to death is about how I've felt over the last two weeks that this has been brewing.

Frustrations

1. I KNOW I CAN BUY A NEW CONSTRUCTION HOME IN SOME PARTS OF THE COUNTRY FOR WHAT I'LL BE PAYING FOR A 2 BEDROOM CONDO.  I've been there, I've been house shopping, I know it to be true.  However, I don't want to live in Augusta GA so I'll suck it up and buy where I'm perfectly happy.

2. After HOA dues and property taxes I'm looking about $20k less than I had thought I'd be able to afford.

3. Two of my top picks I had to drop like hot potatoes becuase my agent found out that there were pending lawsuits and other messy stuff that I won't even think about getting involved in.

4. The reality of living on a budget and not dipping into savings when I want to run away to Hawaii or where ever sucks.

All for now. We'll see if something "perfect" comes up for me or not.

Two things today...boobies and honesty

The Girls

First, I want to put it out there for all, maybe I can reassure someone at some point down the line.  Mammograms are not as bad as rumored.  Yes, it was uncomfortable but not painful as I have heard it described by some.  Don't let the rumors stop you from getting your on a regular basis when the time comes.  I typically wouldn't have one yet, but because of my mom it's time for me to start.  The picture pretty much sums it up, see...not scary at all.  Took maybe 4 minutes total, tops.

If I can't be honest with myself....

Crazy that I even hesitated to put my feeling into words because I didn't want to go back on something I wrote in a previous post. Really? Lame SS, just lame.  I want this to be partially a journal for myself, I need to be honest with myself.  Like the computer is going to be disappointed in me?  I hate that word; dissapoint.  Hate to feel it, hate others to feel it about me. (that's another blog topic)

After the big revelation about putting the relationship to rest and feeling better when not in contact with the the Ex. Yeah, I heard from him and have been talking to him all week. He contacted me to let me know he had made it safely to his new duty station overseas and give me his contact info. There is a difference this time, at least it feels like it so far. I think my big revelation left me more at peace with letting go and moving on. So RIP to the relationship the way it was, there is still a relationship but I feel different about it now… no expectations, and to me that means no disappointments. I know it will be more difficult staying in contact with him and at some point it will have to come to an end. I can't imagine dating someone new and them being OK with "Oh but he's deployed and I'm just being supportive" when it comes to the man I thought I was going to marry.

I use it as an excuse or as a reason to justify to myself that what I'm doing isn't "bad" for me. I swear I'm saving myself from feeling bad down the line because "I just couldn't live with myself not talking to him knowing that he is getting ready to deploy."  It's coming very soon and right now I don't feel like I can do anything but be supportive, as a friend.

It gets complicated. Talking to him this morning he told me he wanted me to start wearing his ring again. He mentioned it when I went to see him in San Antonio, looked at my hand "where is your ring?" All I could say is "that's not what we are anymore". I wish I had emotion switch to just flick off when necessary (or would that make me a sociopath?...so never mind on that wish)

So self, I'm being honest. Not trying to hide it and act like I've got some superpower to stick to what I've previously expressed or thought. It's OK. It's my feelings, they can be confusing and I don't always know what's best for me. I've decided to not beat myself up over it. It is what it is, that's how I feel, it's authentic.

Make it three things

I would be remiss in not expressing my sincere thoughts and prayers for affected by the tragic events at Ft. Hood.

I am not a morning person

It is a pretty well known part of my personality. I.am.not.a.morning.person. I hate being scared out of sleep by an alarm clock. I do not pop out of bed ready to tackle the world. I'm slow. I hit snooze more than 2 times. I'm groggy and take a long time to really be awake and functioning.

I laugh now but I'm sure you can imagine the bone of contention this was while in my relationship with a career army, former Drill Sgt, I'm-a-machine-need-little-sleep man. I bring this up now because the reaction when he heard that I'm now faithfully getting up at 5:30 for my cat was priceless.

Anyway, I now have a loved pet that is diabetic and needs an insulin shot at 6am. This has me waking up at 5:30, a good hour and a half earlier than I need to get up for work. *sigh* ::grumble:: *yawn* Yes, I'm worried that one morning I'm going to give the wrong dose, stab my cat somewhere that I shouldn't, stab myself, put the insulin in the freezer instead of the fridge... basically something bad.

When this started two weeks ago and about two days in I realized that trying to go back to sleep for an hour wasn't going to happen, I swore that I was going to make it productive time.

The big plan was to stay up and do one of the core workouts that I can get via On Demand Fitness TV. Still taking baby steps but today I was productive! I put away the dishes, I did 5 minutes of a 20 minute video (I said baby steps), I browsed some other video possibilities, read emails, did some more feline diabetes research and watched some news.

Here is the big one... get this. Yesterday, I actually jumped at the chance to take a 6:50 mammogram appointment. WTF is that all about? I kind of got off on it too. The lady says "Oh we can get you in on Friday but it's a 6:50. "I'll take it! Perfect" I had to kind of look around the room & check over my shoulder to see who it was that just responded. Dude, I'm getting my boobs mashed between glass prior to 7am on Friday. *blink* *blink* That will be a whole 'nuther post because I do intend to share. Friends have already asked me to take lots of mental notes and share because none of them are at an age or circumstance that getting a mammo before age 40 is really going to happen.

Oh, and side note. After some months of blogging, I've kind of felt how I want to settle into this so working on a new layout and title etc. I love playing around with the HTML stuff so that will be fun.

Later!